


It Had Been

by gravityfell



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Mention of eating disorder, Sad, Stanley focused, attempted suicide, ford and stan finally making up, third pov though, up to you if weridmaggedon happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 04:23:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7962283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravityfell/pseuds/gravityfell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 years. It had been 5 years since Ford left him and his parents kicked him out and Stanley was done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Had Been

**Author's Note:**

> I love Stan and Fords relationship when it was repaired! And I also have a headcannon that Stan may have attempted suicide or has depression. This is my first fanfic (although not my first written piece!) and there may be grammatical errors as I type very fast and I'm a pretty bad proof reader! Thanks for reading!

5 years. It had been 5 years since Ford left him and his parents kicked him out and Stanley was done. He sat in the driver seat of his car, a gun held in his shaky hands. He had tried to find a way to repay his parents, repay Ford, but all that had come of it was jail time and being banned from most states.   
“I’m a fuck up.”  
He whispered sadly to himself, gritting his teeth. His heart ached for his brother, his only friend. Being alone, for lack of a better word, sucked. It was depressing and scary and horrible and Stan would do anything, and he means anything, to go back in time and not hit that table, so that even if Ford did get accepted in West Coast Tech, they’d still be on good terms, and Stan would still have someone, even if he would still be the dumber, fatter, less worthy twin. And maybe that one time he didn’t eat for a month and styled his hair different just to look even more like Ford would have payed off instead of just making Stan sadder.  
With tear filled eyes Stan turned off the safety of his gun, hands still shaking wildly, bringing it up to his temple. He squeezed his eyes shut. This was something he could do right. His entire life Stan had felt like a failure, been a failure, but this, this is something he could do right. Once he was gone, his safety would no longer be a lingering thought in Fords mind, and his homelessness wouldn’t make his mum guilty anymore, because he’d just be gone.   
But then he’ll go before he can tell Ford what really happened that night of the science fair, and that it really, truly was an accident. Stanley opened his eyes, putting down the gun and steading his hands, he’ll wait until he can make it up to Stanford, show him that he never meant any harm to him, and then he can rid them all of his presence. It’ll do more good that way anyway.  
“Not yet, do it for Ford.”  
He whispers once again to himself, tears spilling from his eyes, drenching his cheeks and dampening the seat below him as he hung his head forward.

 

10 years, it had been 10 years and Stan had JUST got Ford back, only to lose him, again. All Stan had wanted, ever since he was thrown out, was to see his brother, and now the only reminder he had left was his glasses, journal, and the goddamn burn on his back. Instead of apologizing, sucking up even, to Ford, he fought and got angry, and once again fucked everything up. Tears blinded him as he punched the dirt floor, ignoring the sharp sting of the fresh burn on his back.  
“WHY DO I ALWAYS FUCK THINGS UP?”  
He screams hysterically, fingernails scraping into the dirt. Everything hurts, his head, his back, his hands, and his heart. He’d been so close to rekindling with Ford, getting his best friend, his brother back, but he selfishly fucked it up, and now Ford is god knows where, and Stan is stuck here, alone, again.   
“Why wasn’t it me?”  
He sobs, quieter this time. Why was it him, the stupid shit, that got to stay here, whilst his brother, who was smart and inquisitive, got drawn into a scary death portal. He picks up his brother’s journal and glasses, shoving both in the pockets of his torn jacket. He picks up a sharp of glass, edge razor sharp, bring it up to his left wrist, prepared to cut vertically, but the weight of the journal weighs his pockets down, and he realized, he can fix this. He’ll bring Ford back, save him from whatever the hell is on the other side of that portal. He’ll just have to wait a couple more years. Once he got Ford back, he’d apologize, make him SEE that he didn’t mean to break his experiment, then he’ll free ford of his burden.  
“Do it again for Ford.”  
He spoke, barely above a whisper, voice cracking with emotion. He’d do it, Stan swears on his life that he’ll bring Ford back. 

 

30 years, it had been 30 years, and Stan tried, he really had, but now he couldn’t try anymore. His efforts, in the end, had payed off but Ford still didn’t understand. His brother spent more time with Dipper, not even attempting to talk to him. Stan knows that it’s not all Ford’s fault, he pushed him away initially, but it still hurt how…unaffected Ford seemed by Stan’s rejection.  
“I just want to fucking die”  
He yells, voice cracking. He was a while away from the shack, but if he’d yelled any louder they might have heard him.  
But now summer was over, the only family that cared for him, Mabel and Dipper, were leaving tomorrow, and Ford was going to kick him out. He would have taken pills, but he didn’t want the kids or Ford to have to find him, so he decided to jump off the cliff over-looking the small town of Gravity falls. He had finally gotten Ford back, and he should be happy, but Stan knows that Ford still hates him, and that no amount of apologies will fix that. The one thing he can do however, is leave, permanently. Stan would rather be dead than homeless again anyway.   
“This is for you Ford”   
He mumbles, voice carried away by the piercing, icy wind. All he can really see is the sparkling of a few stars, the moon too covered by clouds to let out any light, which also means Stan failed to notice the teary eyed girl, watching on, too frozen by fear to move or speak.   
Stan lets out a loud sob as he moves closer to the edge, half an inch from falling off.

This is when the girl, who is usually so full of smiles and laughter, finally kicks into action, leaping forward, screaming;  
‘Grunkle Stan NO!”  
Her voice echo’s loudly throughout the otherwise silent night.  
Stan whipped his head around, to the sight of Mabel’s silhouette, panting 5 feet in front of him, small hands shaking with anxiety.  
“Mabel sweetie, what are you doing?”  
His voice is quiet and harsh, fear welling up in the pit of his stomach. God, of all people to find him, why did it have to be Mabel?  
“What are you doing Stan?”  
Her voice is weak, scared. She steps forward slightly, reaching out to tug on the sleeve of Stan’s jacket, Stan’s too anxious to move.  
“Go back to bed Pumpkin.”  
He fakes a smile, trying to seem normal, happy.  
“I’m just, uh, looking at the stars.”  
Idiot, there aren’t any stars to look at. Mabel knows he wouldn’t be out in the cold to look at the miniscule amount that you can see.  
Mabel talks, her voice is sad, much like him really.  
“I’m not dumb Grunkle Stan. I know what you’re trying to do, but I don’t know why you woul-“  
Heavy footsteps crash through the forest, interrupting pair.  
“What the hell is going on here?!”  
Ford says sternly.  
“Why is my niece screaming? Stanley? Is that you?”  
Oh of all people, Stan doesn’t know who he feels worse about discovering him like this , Mabel or Ford.  
“Nothing’s happening Stanford. Go home, you too sweetie, I’ll be back shortly.”  
Deep down he know Mabel won’t budge, and neither will Ford without an explanation.   
Mabel breaks down in heavy, heart wrenching sobs that shatters Stan’s heart.  
“Please get away from the ledge.”  
She cries, voice thick with tears. Stan can’t stand seeing Mabel so sad, so he listens, crouching in front of her.  
“What’s going on, someone explain?”  
Ford demands, but Stan can’t bring himself to speak.  
“Stop lying Grunkle Stan, I heard what you said.”  
Mabel states, still sobbing. Stan mentally face palms, maybe screaming his desire to die wasn’t a great idea.   
Now that Stan is closer, he can see the look of distraught on his great nieces face, and how the face of his brother is morphed in confusion and growing into one of worry.  
“Stanley. What does she mean?”  
Ford’s voice is softer this time. Mabel stops crying and edges closer, moving forward to engulf Stan in a massive hug. Stan looks up and Ford, eyes tired.   
“I, uh.”  
Stan starts. Mabel pulls away from the hug.  
“He tried to kill himself.” Mabel mutters into Stan’s shoulder.  
Mabel, as blunt as always. Ford’s eyes grow wide, mouth hanging agape.  
“Is this true?”  
Ford voice breaks, and Stan swears he can see tears in his brother eyes. Stanley stands, legs shaking, partly from the cold, mostly from nerves.   
“Uh, I mean, yeah. If it’s anything to you, it’s not the first time, and I’m still here, right?”  
Now that the words are out of his mouth, Stan realised his confession probably isn’t as comforting as he intended.   
“You’ve tried more than on- later Stanley, tell me later, now I just need you to come home.”  
More footsteps echo through the forest, oh no, it’s probably Dipper.   
“Grunkle Stan, Great Uncle Ford? Mabel? Why are you crying?”  
Dipper’s face is mixed with confusion and concern for his distressed sister. It’s Mabel who speaks.  
“Grunkle Stan almost jumped off the cliff.”  
Yeesh again with the outward statements.  
“WHAT?”  
Dipper yells, rushing forward to Stan, hugging him tight.  
“It’s okay kid, I’m fine.”  
He tries to reassure him, but it’s too late, as Dipper was already crying.   
“Hey, hey don’t cry kid. I already made your sister cry, don’t cry.”  
Dipper doesn’t reply and now from his new vantage point, he can see that those are tears in Ford’s eyes.  
“Not you too, Poindexter.”  
Stan mumbles.   
Dipper, Mabel and Ford all drag Stan home and the walk is kind of a blur. Everything was silent, except for the occasional sniffle from Mabel or Dipper, and the kids’ sadness makes him wish he’d killed himself back in the car all those years ago. That way him and Ford would have never gotten into that dumb fight, and Ford would have never been flung into the portal in the first place. Most of all, he wouldn’t have been met with the saddest looks he thinks he’s ever seen from the three people he loves most.   
Back at the shack, Ford almost had to force the kids to go back to bed, too riled up to sleep, but with some gentle persuasion that Ford needed to adult talk Stan out of the state of mind he was in, they budged.   
Once the kids were back in bed, and questionably asleep, Ford pounced.  
“Stanley, what the hell are you thinking?”  
Ford whisper yelled, grabbing his brother by the shoulders. Stan refused to meet Stanford’s eyes, staying quiet.  
Ford tries a softer approach, admittedly not his strongest point, but he’s desperate.  
“Talk to me Stan, what’s made you so sad you want to die”  
Tears start to well up in Stan’s eyes again, making Ford almost panic.   
“You. I mean, not you, but just how many times I’ve let you down.”  
Stan’s voice is quiet, not quite a whisper, but Ford still has to strain to hear him.  
“What do you mean?”  
Ford’s voice is slightly louder, but equally as shaky as Stan’s.  
“Tell me what happened each time you… tried, so I can try stop you from feeling that way again.”  
Stan inhales sharply, sitting on the armchair, Ford moving to lean in front of him.  
“The first time, I was sitting in my car, gun in my hand. It was 5 years after dad kicked me out. I was gonna do it, Ford, I really was, I had the gun to my head and everything. But I couldn’t go without seeing you again, so I put down the gun. The next time was just after you’d been sucked into the portal. Of all the terrible thing I’ve done in my life, I’d never felt worse about something. The guilt, the loss was too much. I’d only just got you back Ford, and to lose you again, it was too much. So I took some jagged glass, I even drew a little blood, but again, I couldn’t go without fixing the mess I made, without bringing you back. And the last time was just now.”  
Stan heard sniffling, and when he looked up, he was met by the sight of a crying Ford. He was just about to speak, when he’s engulfed in a massive hug. He’s almost in shock, it had been over 40 years since him and Ford had hugged, but Stan wasn’t complaining. After a minute, that seemed like years to Stan, Ford pulled away, looking straight into his brother eyes.   
“Why’d you try again?”  
Ford queried.  
Stan let out a laugh, but it sounded more like a cough.  
“Because, even though you’re back, you still hate me, once summer’s over I’ll be homeless again, and the only family that actually love me are leaving.”  
Ford could swear his heart stopped.  
“Lee, who said I was going to kick you out?”  
He pleaded. Stan was more taken aback by the affectionate nickname than anything.  
“You said you wanted your house back at the end of summer.”  
Stan mutters. Ford almost laughs, Stan really though him wanting his house back meant he had to leave?  
“Stan I DO want my house back, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stay here too! Just like I get my name back, that doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly have no name does it?”  
When Stan thought about it, Ford never explicitly said he was going to kick him out, but to be fair, he never said he could stay either, well until now.  
“Oh.”  
Is all he managed to say.  
“And on top of that, I don’t hate you, I can’t Stan. I may have been mad at you, for years, but I never once felt anything towards you but love. I regret those 10 years we didn’t speak, I regret being so inconsiderate when I asked you to hide my journals, I’m sorry Stanley, I truly am.”  
Stan is lost for words. Ford… loves him? It’d been years, decades, since Stan had felt love from his brother. So Stan smiled.  
“You love me?”  
His voice was still weak.  
“Yes of course I love you, you knucklehead. Once Mabel and Dipper are gone, I was going to ask you if you would give me a second chance, as there are some… anomalies in the Pacific Ocean, that I can’t explore alone.”  
Stanley almost cries again, but these tears are happier.  
“I would go with you.”  
This time it’s Ford who smiles, pulling his brother in for another hug.  
“Don’t ever scare me again like that Stan. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, again.”  
That night Stan fell asleep embraced by his brother and Ford watched over him, protective of his brother, who was older only by 11 minutes, and the ripe old age of 69, but looked so young and fragile in this moment, and made a silent oath to himself to make sure Stanley never felt this way ever again. 

It had been 40 years. Stan and Ford still fought, but they never went to sleep without making up with each other. 40 years after the night of the science fair and FINALLY the Stan Twins were back in action, united as brothers for the rest of their lives.


End file.
